The Cards We Are Dealt: What More Than Six Decades of Bridge Have Taught Me

“We can’t control the cards we’re dealt, but we can choose how we play them.”

When I saw this quotation recently, accompanied by a wonderful illustration of playing cards with human faces, I immediately thought about my own life with the game of Bridge.

I have been playing Bridge since my graduate-school years at the University of Illinois in 1960. That means Bridge has been part of my life for more than six decades.

Over those many years, I have played Bridge in many different settings. I have played it simply for fun at parties and social gatherings, and I have also played Competitive Duplicate Bridge, where every decision can make a difference.

But perhaps my most treasured Bridge memories are those of playing with my beloved wife, Macrine, for many years.

For me, Bridge was never just a card game.

It was a social activity, a mental exercise, a competition, a way to meet people, and, most importantly, a way to spend time with people I cared about.

Bridge and the Hand We Are Dealt

The quotation says something very simple but very profound:

We cannot control the cards we are dealt, but we can control how we play them.

Isn't that also a good description of life? None of us chooses the hand we are dealt in life.

We don't choose our parents, our birthplace, our childhood circumstances, our opportunities, our disappointments, our successes, or many of the unexpected events that come our way.

But we do have some control over what we do with the hand we receive.

That is one reason I think Bridge has taught me so much about life.

Sometimes you receive a beautiful hand and everything seems to go your way. Other times, you look at your cards and wonder, “What am I supposed to do with this?”

Life can be exactly the same. The important thing is not always having the best cards.

It is knowing how to play the cards you have.

Bridge Has Taught Me Patience

One of the first lessons Bridge teaches is patience. You cannot rush the game.

You have to listen carefully during the bidding, observe the cards that are played, think about what your opponents may have, and wait for the right moment to make your play.

Sometimes the best decision is not to do anything immediately.

I have found that this is also true in life.

As we get older, patience becomes even more important. We learn that not every problem needs an immediate reaction. Sometimes it is better to pause, think, listen and then act.

A Bridge player who becomes impatient can easily make a mistake. So can a person in life.

Bridge Has Taught Me Trust

Bridge is also a remarkable game of trust.

You have a partner sitting across the table from you. You cannot see your partner's cards. You have to trust the bidding, the signals and the decisions your partner makes.

And your partner has to trust you. That makes Bridge very different from many other card games.

You are not playing alone. You are playing as a team.

My years of playing Bridge with Macrine made this lesson particularly meaningful to me. We learned to trust each other at the Bridge table, just as we learned to trust each other throughout our marriage.

Of course, there were times when one of us made a mistake!

And I suspect that each of us occasionally thought the other person had made the wrong decision. But that is part of Bridge and part of marriage.

You make a mistake, you learn from it, and you move on to the next hand.

You don't spend the rest of the evening arguing about the previous hand.

That is another good lesson for life.

Bridge Requires Planning

Bridge is also a game of planning. Before playing a single card, you need to study your hand and think about how you are going to play it.

Once the dummy comes down, the declarer has to make a plan.

What are my winners? Where are my losers? Which suit should I develop?

Should I draw the opponents' trumps immediately, or should I wait?

What cards have already been played? What cards are still outstanding?

A good Bridge player is always thinking several plays ahead.

Life also requires planning. We make plans for our education, our careers, our families, our retirement and our future.

But, just as in Bridge, our plans don't always work out exactly as expected.

Sometimes the cards change the plan. And sometimes life changes the plan.

We have to adjust.

And Then There Is Memory

Another reason I have enjoyed Bridge for so many years is that it exercises the memory.

A good Bridge player tries to remember what cards have been played and what cards remain in the opponents' hands.

You remember the bidding. You remember the opening lead. You remember which cards have appeared in each suit.

You try to reconstruct the distribution of the unseen cards. This is not always easy, especially as we get older!

But that is one of the reasons I believe games like Bridge can be excellent mental exercises for seniors.

When I sit down at the Bridge table, my brain has to wake up.

I cannot simply play cards automatically. I have to concentrate. I have to remember.

I have to calculate. I have to anticipate. And sometimes I have to admit that my memory isn't quite what it was when I was younger!

Social Bridge Versus Duplicate Bridge

I have enjoyed both social Bridge and Duplicate Bridge, but they are very different experiences.

Social or party Bridge is primarily about having fun.

You may be playing with friends, relatives or acquaintances. There is conversation, laughter, food and sometimes a little teasing. Winning is nice, but enjoying everyone's company is usually more important.

Duplicate Bridge is much more competitive. In Duplicate, the same hands are played by different partnerships, and your score is compared with others who played the same cards.

This creates a fascinating situation. You may have a terrible hand, but everyone else playing that hand has essentially the same problem.

You are being judged not simply by the cards you received but by how well you played them compared with other players.

That brings us back to the quotation. You cannot control the cards. But you can control your decisions.

Skill and Luck

Bridge is one of those fascinating games where skill and luck both matter.

You can be dealt a wonderful hand and still play it badly.

You can also be dealt a difficult hand and find a way to make the best possible contract.

Luck determines, to a significant degree, the cards that come to you.

Skill determines what you do with them.

In Duplicate Bridge, the element of luck is reduced because other players are playing the same hands. That makes the game an even better test of skill, judgment and partnership.

Still, the cards themselves can certainly determine what opportunities are available to you.

That is what makes Bridge so fascinating. You never know what the next hand will bring.

Bridge and Mahjong

I have also enjoyed playing Mahjong, particularly Philippine Mahjong, and I have introduced the game to some of my fellow residents at THD.

Both Bridge and Mahjong are wonderful social and mental games.

But I see an important difference in the way I experience them.

In Mahjong, the luck of the tiles you draw can play a very significant role, although experienced players certainly develop considerable skill in reading the game, remembering discarded tiles and making strategic decisions.

Bridge, in my experience, places an especially strong emphasis on partnership, bidding, planning, memory, communication and careful reasoning.

And that combination of skill and luck is precisely what keeps bringing me back to the Bridge table.

Bridge Has Kept Me Connected

Now, many years after I first learned Bridge at the University of Illinois, I am still playing.

Today, Bridge is an important part of my life at The Heritage Downtown.

I play with fellow seniors, and I have even had the opportunity to help organize Bridge games here.

At our age, social connections are extremely important. A Bridge table brings four people together.

For a few hours, we are not thinking about our age. We are thinking about the cards.

We are bidding. We are counting. We are remembering. We are competing.

We are laughing. And sometimes we are complaining about our partner!

But when the game is over, we shake hands, smile and look forward to the next game.

That is the beauty of Bridge.

The Greatest Bridge Lesson

After more than 60 years of playing Bridge, I think the greatest lesson I have learned is not about bidding or card counting.

It is about acceptance. You will not always receive the hand you want.

You will not always have a good day. You will not always win.

Sometimes you will make a brilliant play. Sometimes you will make a terrible mistake.

Sometimes your partner will surprise you. Sometimes you will surprise yourself.

But there is always another hand. That is perhaps the most beautiful lesson of all.

Don't dwell too long on the hand you just played. Learn from it and get ready for the next one.

Life works the same way. We cannot go back and change the cards we were dealt.

But we can learn from the past, appreciate what we have, remain patient, trust the people who are important to us, make the best plans we can, and continue playing the hand in front of us.

Looking Back

When I look back at my life, I realize that Bridge has been present through many chapters.

I first played it as a young graduate student at the University of Illinois in 1960.

I played it during my professional years. I played it socially with friends.

I played Competitive Duplicate Bridge. And I played it with my beloved Macrine.

Those memories are now part of my personal history. Today, as a senior, I am grateful that I can still sit down at a Bridge table and enjoy the game.

Perhaps that is why the quotation in the picture speaks to me so strongly:

“We can't control the cards we're dealt, but we can choose how we play them.”

After more than six decades of playing Bridge, I would add one more thought:

The objective is not always to win every hand. The objective is to play every hand as well as you can and enjoy the people sitting around the table.

That is true of Bridge. And I believe it is also true of life.

The cards we are dealt are not always within our control. But how we play them is up to us.

And there is always another hand waiting to be played.

AI Impressions on this Posting:

That makes the quotation in this image especially meaningful for you. You have more than six decades of experience with Bridge, going all the way back to your graduate-school years at the University of Illinois in 1960.

In fact, your Bridge story could make a wonderful blog post because Bridge, for you, is much more than a card game. It has been a lifelong companion, through your years as a graduate student, your professional career, retirement, and now your life at THD.

The message in the image, “We can’t control the cards we’re dealt, but we can choose how we play them”, also fits remarkably well with the philosophy you have expressed in many of your writings about aging and life itself.

There is a natural theme here: Bridge is a game, but life is also a game of Bridge.

You don't choose the cards you are dealt. In life, you don't choose your birthplace, your parents, the circumstances of your childhood, unexpected opportunities, disappointments, illnesses, losses, or even how long you will live. But you can choose how you respond to the hand you have been given.

And your own life provides a compelling example. From Iloilo to the United States, from the University of the Philippines to the University of Illinois, from graduate school to a career in pharmaceutical chemistry and the FDA, and now to your active senior years at THD, you have certainly played many different hands.

Your Bridge experience at THD adds another wonderful dimension. You are not only playing the game; you are helping keep Bridge alive among fellow seniors, including organizing games and introducing Philippine Mahjong to your community.

That could become a very personal and inspirational essay titled:

“The Cards We Are Dealt: What 66 Years of Playing Bridge Has Taught Me About Life”

I think this would resonate particularly well with your worldwide readers because the lesson is universal: we cannot always control what happens to us, but we can control how we play the hand.

AI Overview:

Bridge has a way of showing us who we are. You don’t get to choose the cards you’re dealt.

Sometimes the hand is beautiful. Sometimes it’s awkward. Sometimes you make the perfect bid. Sometimes you wish you could reach across the table and take it back.

But you can’t. What you can do is decide what happens next. Learn from the hand. Adjust. Trust your partner. Stay curious. And play the next one a little better.

That’s one of the reasons I love this game so much. Bridge isn’t about being perfect. It’s about solving the puzzle in front of you, together.

Finally, From Victor Mollo:

Every hand teaches us something. And then the cards get shuffled, and we get another chance.

Luck may influence a single hand, but great bridge players know how to create their own opportunities.

Victor Mollo's witty observation reminds us that skill is about putting yourself in the best position for favorable outcomes. Through sound bidding, careful planning, and thoughtful play, what looks like luck is often the result of preparation and experience.